your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
