i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
