3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need to calm my uterus...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
