textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
