i don't like sucking hair
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
