My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
