Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
