Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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