just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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