i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize