sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
