Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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