Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
