i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
