dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
