All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
