There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize