oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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