I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
