Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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