You're my little dorito
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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