I got chris browned last night
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
