i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
