Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
