Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
