We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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