There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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