Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize