we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
