dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
