so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
