Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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