My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
