You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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