and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize