a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
