I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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