brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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