It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize