Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
