Don't make out with my wife yet
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
