Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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