oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
