Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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