Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
