i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
