I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
