Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
