if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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