Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
