Banned from zoo.
Again?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
