when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
