Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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