She is in my trunk
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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