I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
