oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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