In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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