wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't deserve a penis
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
