If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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