I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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