oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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