Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
