You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
