She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
