He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
