tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
