If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
porn star boner night. come get it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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