i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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