so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
