If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
