last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
