Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So apparently I’m into choking now
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