i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
