dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Alive.
So much puke
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize