girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
