Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
