so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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