have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
