In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize