So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
