tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
