Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
