remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
