So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize