So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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