just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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