I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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