how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
