Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize