so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
