he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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