I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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