sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
