No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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