Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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