don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
