I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
