You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
