So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
