I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
