i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize