This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
