Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
