Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize