I heard we made out
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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